NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
