i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
