he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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