I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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