haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
