Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
