Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
