And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
