What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
