Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
