Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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