I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
