Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
