She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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