i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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