drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
