BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
