just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
