he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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