im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
