im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
should my penis look like a turkey
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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