I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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