no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
