I want to walk on stilts...naked
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
