Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
