On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
