When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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