Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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