my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize