weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
