I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
