My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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