She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
