He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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