I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
