he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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