If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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