I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
