He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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