Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
