I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
