it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
