just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
