and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
