2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
