i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
