Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we made out on top of his cat.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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