im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
