Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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