Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Your penis caused this!
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