I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
