Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
