Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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