Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
