What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.