You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
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This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
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Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"