it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?