Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
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bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
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Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You're a waste of cheezeits
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...