Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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