I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk