So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
