I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
