I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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