Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
