All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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