We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
