when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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