He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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