Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
