I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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