you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You left your phone here
Wait...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
