ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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