gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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