this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
