Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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