i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
