Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
