...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
