I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
