Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the day after is always just damage control
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
